Lawyer told me not to talk to you

What’s in a phrase? Sometimes quite a bit. There are phrases we use every day to convey a whole package of information with a few simple words. Did that go over your head? Perhaps the cat got your tongue?

Usually such phrases containing metaphors may be subject to confusion. Still, they have a lot of value in speech and writing because they convey an image, they can be used in various circumstances and they’re colourful.

Do you agree with me? Are you drinking the Kool-Aide?

Sometimes you need to be abundantly clear and no clichéd phrase will accomplish what you need. We often find that in the practise of law. Because we require significant precision in our language, we tend to avoid stock phrases. Still, in doing so we cannot communicate as much as we would like in a short statement. It can be difficult to sift out the words we need to build just the right meaning. So we keep hammering on, putting it back in the forge and hoping one day we’ve created a masterpiece.

Creating a masterpiece

As I approach the 2 decade mark in my legal career, I can tell you now how I built my masterpiece. It was a significant piece of work.

Giving legal advice in perilous situations is one of the more frightening aspects of being a lawyer. The perfect example is when a client has been detained by the police or must attend a police detachment to be arrested. In these cases the client is almost always (I estimate 99.98% of the time) best to keep their mouth shut. As a lawyer, if you advise a client who is under investigation to give a statement to the police, you may be professionally negligent. Keeping your mouth shut is the best advice you can give. But it’s not pithy and people seem to forget about their right to silence when they face a police interrogation.

Of course, when the police put people under the hot lights and start throwing questions at them, something is bound to come out. The issue is, what will they say? Something along the line of “no comment?”

After years of trying to explain to my clients what they can say to the police to indicate they’re not going to provide a statement, I identified a number of important issues and problems. If they say “no comment” they feel like a TV villain. If they try to say “on the advice of my counsel, I will now rely on my right to silence” you can almost guarantee that under those hot lights the client will screw it up, feel embarrassed and then end up in a long conversation with the police that inevitably tightly sews up the prosecution’s case.

It’s a tough situation. I worked on this for years.

Finally, about 10 years ago I settled on the phrase “my lawyer told me not to talk to you.” It’s simple and it communicates the point very well. There are no confusing metaphors that could be misinterpreted. It’s not loaded with alternate meanings. It doesn’t try to be too clever. It’s straightforward.

I noticed that when they made the statement “my lawyer told me not to talk to you” my clients were fairly capable of resisting the police interrogation. I began to think I had created my masterpiece. But I wasn’t quite there. Somehow this could be improved. I went back to the forge.

In approximately 2012, I made one very important change. I dropped “my.” My goodness, what an improvement this made. The reason for this is simply because people struggle to remember which pronoun to use. When repeating the phrase back to me, the clients would inevitably struggle. “Because you told me not to talk to them” was a common error. When clients would find themselves facing off with the police, the phrase could get garbled because it required a pronoun switch. Further refinement was needed. I finally settled on the statement “lawyer told me not to talk to you.”

It’s as simple as you can get but it conveys all of the information necessary. Because the pronoun is dropped, it’s more of a clear imperative. The focus on “lawyer” makes it clear that it’s legal advice and it shifts the blame to the lawyer who is more than happy to be blamed for their client following their instructions to exercise their right to silence.

“Lawyer told me not to talk to you” is as close as I could get to perfection.

Lawyer told me not to talk to you hits the streets

As soon as I started instructing clients to memorize the phrase “lawyer told me not to talk to you” I noticed a couple of things. My clients were more capable than ever of resisting police interrogation techniques. Many police officers soon realized that my clients were impervious to their interrogation techniques. A secondary consequence was that my clients would be released from custody sooner. The police, realizing this phrase would keep my clients from cracking, would stop their efforts and just get the person processed and out the door.

Finally, a senior investigator told me that all of the officers in the force knew me. They know that my clients never give statements. They don’t want to waste their time arresting my clients.

At that point I realized that I had created a masterpiece. In the world of lawyering, I had accomplished what few ever would. I made something so perfect and beautiful that it may never be surpassed.

What do you do with a perfect masterpiece?

As I continued to advise my clients to employ my masterpiece phrase, I wished to express to them just how valuable it was to them. I wanted them to use it accordingly. This phrases could save their life. To express the importance of holding true, I would often say things like “my copyright phrase” or “my patented system” or my “trademark line.” Then one day I thought, I worked hard on creating this masterpiece. I’ve been employing it for years. The value is something special I pass on to my clients. Why don’t I register it as a trademark?

And so I did.

Lawyer told me not to talk to you®

Yes, we received official confirmation on February 4, 2019. Approximately 14 months after we applied, we’ve been granted the registered trademark for the phrase “Lawyer told me not to talk to you.”

I can’t express how pleased I am that our trademark has been registered. I encourage lawyers to employ it with their clients. It would be nice if I get credit along the line. As a registered trademark, of course we will enforce it if anyone uses it in violation of our trademark rights.

Some people are angry

You need to break some eggs to make an omelette. The fact that my clients use my trademarked phrase has made some people angry along the way. In their mind, we’re too effective.

It’s too bad they feel that way. I’m just doing my job, defending my clients as best I can, making sure the public is aware of what’s going on out there, and attempting to provide access to justice for the people of British Columbia. Noses may get out of joint. I’m just doing my job as best I can within to the confines of my profession.

Long ago I gave up the myth that we are all entitled to a fair shake. Sometimes we need to resist. We need to demand fairness. And if the police have you in custody, remember: Lawyer told me not to talk to you®